3,114

miles, that is.

life isn't fucking fair.

and thats just something im going to have to accept.

i just moved to good ole los angeles california from a little town in the smallest state aka lincoln, rhode island.

i live with 2 guys.. matt and adam

one of which i am somewhat seeing. not too sure what we are. too afraid to ask.

he's pretty much a huge asshole to me

and im insane and annoying

but we kinda work anyways?

or maybe im just making it all up in my head because i want us to so badly.

well actually who knows if i do.

im all about the chase. i guess

im not sure that if he started adoring me and showing his affection i would even care anymore

daddy issues? maybe.

but then again i honestly cant say id mind being adored. who would?

im not even sure why the hell i care so much

we've barely been talking since december and its mid march.

im getting a bit ahead of myself.

we attempted the long distance thing until i moved out here….

i should probably fill in these pieces

back to november (i was extremely drunk one night and decided I could no longer stand to live in rhode island when my friend dave informed me that adam had a crazy roommate in california and they needed a new one in march. so of course i jumped at the chance. id barely ever spoken to adam before and that was it i said i was moving he said alright and it was set. then we began talking more and it became a non stop texting flirtation and we grew close, he visited in december and it was settled we liked each other and didn't care what anyone thought about the weirdness of things. everyone tried telling us it'd be a mistake that were going to be living together and it was only going to complicate matters. well apparently we don't know how to listen. and then he left and i was sad and missed him right away but i was visiting in 3 weeks and so on. so i visited we had a great time things were perfect somewhat probably not. and as soon as i got back to rhode island everything changed. he didn't want to text as much and i was being needy and missing him. he could've cared less about what i was doing. so one drunken night we got into an angry texting screaming match. i passed out mid conversation due to mass consumption of wine. i woke up at 5am and continued fighting we were sad and crying it was a mess but it in turn made things better.. or so i thought. this was the beginning of february and by the end we were barely speaking and a large part had to do with the fact that i am naggy, annoying, and mental. all i wanted was for him to miss me the way i had been missing him and for him to want to see me and be as excited about seeing me as i was to see him. i got nothing. so we'd barely spoken and i texted him when i was leaving rhode island and said id give him updates along the long 3114 mile car ride i was about to begin. and then i get here and for some reason in my mind i was expecting some grand loving gesture of just how much he missed me. instead i got a half hug and about an hour later we had sex on my bathroom sink. that was all. )

and now here i am a week later. its st patricks day and him and matt are out drinking at some irish pub because they can legally drink and HATE me so of course i was not invited. 

but i realized today that yes, we are opposites. i am a crazy, annoying, over bearing , nice, happy person and he is an asshole who keeps to himself. but maybe theres something in there. not going to press for things. 

just need to learn to go with the flow. 

whatever that means.